Firstly, welcome to my single Russian reader! здравствуйте (I truly hope I haven't said "I like to eat small children for dinner").
This is an interactive blog, there are things we have all said to our children and heard from them that have made us howl with laughter, left us gobsmacked or just plain done our heads trying to fathom how on earth they came up with that. So please comment and add your most outrageous remarks, I'll put them together and we can all feel sane in the knowledge that it's not just us. Universal madness is so pacifying.
My all-time favourites:
1. Ellie, put down that rhino!
[Ellie is the Jack Russel and the rhino was of course small and plastic. He lost a leg. Be grateful for small mercies, the giraffe his head. She took exception to these small benign creatures.]
2. To my daughter: Stop eating the wall!
[Sure the plaster on the low verandah wall is coming adrift but I have no idea where her fondness for brick and mortar came from. I also have no explanation for this but thankfully she has stopped eating our house.]
3. Don't pick your teeth with that aeroplane.
[To my son. That being the operative word, as opposed to any other aeroplane.]
4. To my daughter: Take that eye out your nose!
[At which point she rammed her little finger even higher up her nose. Said eye was one of those decorative crafty types with the moving part inside. Needless to say we had to pin her down and extract it with tweesers.]
My daughter has yet to come up with some true pearls, her age has its limitations, but from my son on berating him for not listening and asking if he actually had ears and what they are for he replied, in all seriousness:
"I'm saving them for emergencies."
[He's four.]
