Season Two, Episode One

If our first adoption was like navigating our way through a minefield then our second adoption, that of our little girl, was more of a ground offensive with us as the target suffering barrage after barrage of incoming fire. We were the French troops at Dien Bien Phu, Picket's confederates at Gettysburg – out-gunned and out-manoeuvred no matter which way we turned or to whom we appealed.
A 15-month long emotional assault with weekly incoming sucker punches. Finding our way to our daughter opened our eyes to the scandalous industry that is the South African social welfare community and its lackey, the 2005 Children's Act, to be fair it's the regulations that govern the act rather than the act itself.
You could comfortably say that by the time we had her in our arms we had seen it all, heard it all and felt it all. We were raw, frustrated on every possible level and in no doubt as to where adoptive parents feature on this particular food chain – they don't even make it up the first rung.
So, when in March I accompanied my son to his friend's fourth birthday party, and the mum's got talking, as is our want, and the conversation turned to sharing our boys with girls when they're older (every mother's nightmare), I was blindsided and struck cold with these words:
"I'm so glad I only have boys [three] because at least then when they're older and they impregnate [sic] a girl it's not their problem."
This mum has no idea how lucky she is that by this stage our daughter had been safely home and warmly bonding with us for a year and that this had not taken place at said boy's third birthday party.
Of course I was astounded by this archaic thinking (thankfully I wasn't the only one), but having lived and breathed every word of the Act and its regulations – which now grants equal rights to the biological father as the biological mother – my jugular began to twitch.
Both biological parents must sign consent for a child to be 'adaptable'. Once consent is signed, either or both have 60 days in which to change their minds and rescind said consent. How often do you imagine the birth father is around to sign consent?
In the absence of his presence an advertisement must be placed in one local, one regional and one national newspaper for a period of 90 days. If he does not respond to that he forfeits his rights as a parent.
These two chunks of the new born's life do not run concurrent to one another.
The above opinion on the boy's responsibility is not, unfortunately, unique. So the baby waits at a place of safety for five months. But wait, that's not all. The government in it's questionable attempt to place children with adoptive parents of the same race, "so they don't loose their culture," instituted a national register, known as RACAP (Register of Adoptive Children and Adoptive Parents). The Act states that this register is simply to keep a record of children who are adoptable and screened adoptive parents. It even makes sense: at any time an adoption agency or accredited social worker can have a look at the weekly updated list and know exactly where a child or parents may be found.
That's what RACAP is on the outside. Inside it is a festering cancer of racism, because the real purpose of it is to give black couples (who by the way can adopt from birth) an extended opportunity (a further 30 days) to adopt any black child on that register. Again this period does not run concurrently.
Six months. That's how old the baby will be before it may legally be placed with a loving couple – desperate to start a family and shower a child with love and opportunity.
So tell me Party Mom, when will that attitude change so that the millions of unwanted children can at least have a chance at a happy, fulfilled life? Because here's the rub: couples who want to adopt, want newborn babies, or babies as young as possible. They don't want to miss a moment. And they certainly don't want to miss three months of their child's life because 'it wasn't your son's responsibility'.